Saturday, 19 July 2014

'LIENUSES'..............................

"ohhhhhhh, so you are an Edo boy? I thought you're Igbo."

"It's Edo. I'm actually from the Igbenedion family. I just don't use the surname because of certain reasons." came the reply

That was peter and I talking.

"That's cool" I quipped

"Yea, I just chose to be humble about the whole thing you know, people will just see you acting normal and they won't know the kind of place you are coming from. I actually wanted to stay at k-dorms but I was told there was no vacant room and I was getting frustrated about the whole accommodation ish, that's how I ended here. I'm even supposed to be staying alone like you, but Farouk and I are in the same dept. and since he was really looking for a roommate, I just decided to help him. If not for that, how much is 50k?....................."

"Fantastic." that was all I could say after the whole super story.



Now, there are liars and there are LIARS. In my short time so far on earth, I have heard of and met some liars. I have had the pleasure and displeasure of talking with some of them. Pleasure, in the sense that they could be entertaining, especially when they think they are fooling you and are scoring points, while in fact you are giving them more opportunity to display their folly. On the other hand, displeasure in the sense that some of their lies could be sickening and make you want to slap them for insulting your intelligence.

'Locksley villa' was the hostel, and it was one of the best places on earth to be one's self without fear, intimidation or what not. however, few people, for whatever reasons, just felt they needed to put up some airs and spice things up here and there in their gists. I had the fortune of living there for two years (300 and 400 levels) and that is one phase of my life I wont ever forget. Locksley was unique because of the different sorts of characters who occupied the 20 rooms and the famous evening gatherings where no laughs were spared and 'stroking' had no limit.We had the good, bad, ugly, crazy, self righteous, prayer warrior, non aligned, liars, party freaks, borrow pose,  and the list goes on.

Being a member of the Igbenedion family is no big deal and shouldn't raise eye brows, but peter was the exact opposite of the pictures he desperately tried to paint of himself as a 'big boy'. All his shirts were 'obioma designed military style' and they got so slim fitted that he could never raise his arms. Even Farouk's ties were no longer safe, as peter found use for every piece of cloth he came across, thanks to his 'obioma'. The Farouk which Peter was allegedly 'helping' was 20 times better than Peter financially. As weird as this sounds, the underwear Peter carelessly exhibited around the hostel couldn't be used as rags by many of us, who are children of nobodies. And did I forget to mention his reputation for borrowing all sorts, even shoes? If peter's lies were written in a book, the biggest dictionaries and encyclopaedias would have nothing on him and take back seats in terms of bulk.

'Lienus' number two, who was a very interesting character, was Bayo. He seemed to have an opinion on everything, always tried to rub on us his proficiency in English language and had a gift for giving unnecessary and unsolicited details. How will I not mention his over starched shirts, (which had about a thousand creases, no thanks to NEPA, as they weren't very nice to us) which stood their own ground on his body?

I recall a day, when I innocently complimented Bayo

"Your shirt is nice"

Lo and behold, the reply I got was

"Thanks jare TJ, it's actually TM, I got it for seven thousand naira and I bought three that day. The guy who sold them..............."

And in my head I was like "lobatan oooooo, who ask you?"

The last 'Lienus', and by no means the least, was Biodun. Biodun always loved to have the final say and didn't mind shoving his opinion down anyone's throat. He was a very proud chap and his lies could have gone unnoticed, but for the phenomenal nature of one particular one.

Biodun and Dare were on the corridor, talking about God knows what when Biodun said

"Eko hotel dey owe my mama 20 billion naira..."



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